I am a woman of faith who struggles to have faith. I know that sounds ridiculous but if I'm being honest I must confess that while using one side of my mouth to tell you how much I trust the plan and timing of God, I will use the other side to voice my fears over whatever situation has me stressed. It's the truth I like the least about myself.
If you know me, you've heard me tell story after story of God's provision. Not coincidences or friendly blessings but straight up miracles of Him providing for me. Stories I could never make up…stories that prove His goodness and stories that only He can get the glory for. It is often that these miracles coincide with some personal drama. I will be laboring in prayer over something, usually someone, and God shows up by doing some miracle in the mundane. This is one of those stories.
I pray for people who don't want my prayers. They run from God and make praying for them an act of faith. I am so grateful that the Spirit prays for us when we have no words. (Romans 8:26) I have spent much time in His presence with no words left to deliver my prayers - literally speechless - if you can imagine that. (LOL) Recently, my distress has been coupled with a financial hardship that I didn't see coming, my normal careful planning cannot resolve, and I can't see out of right now.
Last week I ran away to my cottage at Mahaffey Camp. While I can explain to you that God will meet me in prayer anytime and in any place, I cannot explain to you exactly why His presence is thicker to me when I am there. Camp is a place for me where the distance between Heaven and Earth is easily "bridged" (see what I did there - if you know you know). I call it a thin space. Normally my trips to camp are filled with projects for continuing the rehab on my cottage. But that has come to a halt until this financial mess is resolved. So this time I had to cancel the handy man and set about to work on things that didn't require any new costs.The big looming project is finishing the kitchen and the counter area that will sit between the kitchen and the living room where there used to be a wall. Eventually I will pay someone to finish the install and I will be able to purchase the countertop. The counterspace is an odd size and it's likely to be a long time before I can afford to have that made. For now, I've been using a scrap that I salvaged.
I arrived at camp last Thursday morning and spent the first part of the day walking around the deserted grounds just talking to Jesus about my people. It's what matters most and I'm not going to miss the chance to connect with Him for them. After unloading the truck and getting situated I decided to take my salvage loving soul to the trash pile and see what treasures might be waiting for me. I was so excited to see that that pile was HUGE. Camp administration has been clearing out old buildings. To me this is a treasure hunt more fun than any shopping trip. I took my time digging through all the junk looking for stuff I could repurpose or upcycle in some way. Then I spotted it… a giant slab of wood covered in mud. Immediately I thought, this would make a perfect temporary countertop. Whatever adjustments it would need would be better than what I already had. So I worked to unbury it and load it into my truck. It was then that I realized that it was not a slab of wood but an actual countertop!
I got it back to the cottage, washed it off and wrestled the thing inside. I laid it across the base cabinets and tried to figure out where I would cut it to fit the space - and guess what...no cuts necessary! The countertop is not only the right color it is literally the EXACT size for the space. How is that even possible?! I just stood there…speechless, yet again. I'm not amazed that God can do stuff like this, I'm amazed that He does it for me - a woman wrestling to hold to His promises. I don't deserve His favor.
So, I have two points. God's goodness to me is because He is good not because I am. I can struggle with faith and consistency and He still does crazy cool stuff like this for me because He operates on the merit of Jesus that has been imparted to me, not my merit. That is literally the Gospel. And… those eternal souled people that I am praying for- how much more important are they than a countertop that will never last through time. I am assured again that if He is willing to dump a miracle on the mundane He will surely do it on them. So I will wait and I will pray - I am speechless.
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